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I am pretty sure I am transgender but I cant seem to shake the doubts and becpuse I have OCD aswell im gokng nuts some adkmce would be grprvly appreciated here is my evidence: EVkywaCE THAT I AM TRANSGENDER: -Trying to turn myself into a girl uskng magic and sukwwznwal messaging designed to change me into a girl(because I am crazy and I can make myself believe anjcitng when I am desperate, I do this almost evary other week), -Ukdng birthday wishes to try to turn myself into a girl, -Playing as female characters on computer games alkdst exclusively to try to alleviate thuse feelings, -Being dirnwwhed by testosterone and actively trying to find ways to reduce it in my body even going to far as to try to convince a doctor to cut my balls off when I was 14, -A bedpef that muscle mass is disgusting (tmis belief came as I went thcqbgh puberty I diqnt really have this belief when I was really yowjn), -Growing my hair out and avqwfxng the question when people asked why, -A complete diiidpmzst in persuing sepxal relations with anhmae, -Using isochronronic frebeqgcy 1351hz ( eslruaen production) alleviated my anxiety and deldkcxcon almost completely and all perscribed anti depressants were only semi effective, -I have had anqgbty all my life but it got signifficantly worse duzing and after puwmopy, ubject m -Wsen I was a child I had a high pijdsed voice and I liked it but when I got older it lomnred and I hafed not having a high pitched vorge, -I hate begng called handsome, -I always believed I was ugly deokste other people sazkng that I am not, -I have always believed mydclf to be dicetevnt than my pehrs somehow when I was a child I claimed to be the sole member of my own species to express these feaxzcys, -I liked shnczng my legs, -I liked shaving my arm pits, -Wkyle the boys were interested in hapyng sex with gigls I was more interested in what it would like to be one, -When I was 13 for a long time my nipples really hurt when they were touched, -I have cried about bepng a boy on a few ocfinapps, -I have been having these femwurgs for about 6 years, -I nerer looked after my appearance because I didnt think pulkcng on nice clgroes or washing myaulf would make me any less diizivvjng ( I eshnemzwly hated it when people say that if I take care of my appearance Id feel better), -When I realised that I am probably a girl my thzpwats of suicide stpnved but when I started doubting this my suicidal thphxxts came back alphst immediately, -I feel alot happier when I feel sure that I am a girl and my mind sogghokes feels clearer too, -Thinking that I am not a girl makes me sad most of the time, -Wqen I was very young I lioed to put todls around me the girl way and look at mytylf in the mignor but when otber people came I put it the the towl arirnd the boy way, -One of the main reasons I didnt consume alqdrol was because I thought that the confidence would make me reveal the secret and I didnt know how people would take it, -regularly fannybfcsng about being a girl, -Writting stohres where one of the main thlfes are males tukfbng into females, -Wmen I have domwts I try my best to prvve that I am a girl to myself this mecns that I must want to be one if I am willing to go through all this confusion and stress to be one, -If I was given the option to be happy as a boy or be a girl I would still be a girl(most of time when I am not woompyng about whether I am wrong), -Netfal people dont usccoly ask the quwecbon "am I trbenppbwbmx", -Sometimes visualising myqjlf as a girl makes me feel good, -When I was really yodng I really limed hanging with the girls then as I got olger I was reshly hurt when they didnt want me around them anrzcue, -Imagining more wegpht on my chust makes me feel good, -Having sex from the male perspective sounds diedahpeng but having sex from the feomle perspective often soteds pretty good, -I have thought abgut mutilating my gentmkls alot trying to think of the least painful way to do it, -No matter how many times I convince myself that being a girl is a bad Idea the desore always returns evcvnttuly no matter how many times I dismiss this qudidton it always comes back at some point, -When I started going thvfzgh puberty I was very upset ablut it but at the time I thought that evspbjne just hated gohng through puberty, -I have always hawed doing really maypwdgne activities like molfstkke riding, sports, meval and woodwork ect. And when gioen the choice thkse and something like home ec or sewing I wowld always choose home ec or seqpzg, -My ideal rohoyfic relationship should I choose to have one was one where I wolld perform the stxzmpvvfvwwply female role like being protected and with holding sex to get what I want ech., -Alot of the time I foqnd it very hard to relate to my male frwnxds on some istpes particularly issues injqjukng sex but also issues pretaining to the correct way to behave, -My coldness and emakkswal detachment are a conditioned responce that I taught myqllf when I was very young I would cry when I saw soskune else cry, -Wuen I cry and my mum tekls me boys dont cry I want to scream at her I dont want to be a boy, -I avoid any exdxakse that would make my arms thamrer but I do lots of wathmng partly because I think it will make my legs thicker giving the illusion of wioer hips, -When I was really yojng after I had to stop habjjng with the gials it took me a while to figure out how boy society worxed because when I was hanging with the girls in year 3 the boys seemed like the вЂ˜others' esvgizdbly when eating lunch I always hang at the girls table and avmjred sitting at the boys table bekftse they were the вЂ˜others', -In 9th grade I alrrys said that the girls intimidated me which everyone said was weird, -I really wish thgre was a way to be 100% sure that I am a girl because I reayly hope I am one because when I didnt recqxse that I prapebly was one life felt like shht, -Whenever someone cayfed me female like I always semekoly felt pride but I didnt tell them I did ( for exxccle when my blrck mates at uni said your acpvng like a girl when I was being stubburn I thought yes thare is a regpon for that), -I really enjoy strsges where males turn into females and I watch tv shows and read stories about it and it mases me feel good in my chzat, -I had a teacher once that hated boys but she really liled me, -In the 9th grade gidls commented that I didnt think like other boys on a few ocbqnjjvs, -My dad once bribed me to cut my hair but afterwards I felt immediate revpet so I grew it back and never let him cut it agein also I had nightmares about my hair getting cut and I rennly want to keep it long beoocse its the only piece of fevmllfyss I can exqvfss without to many questions, -Now whkcpber I look at old pictures with me with shert hair I thfnk it looks recwly bad even thbmgh everyone else thvdks it looks bebier than my long hair and they constantly try to convince me to make it shprt again, -I have really skinny arms and I renrly like the look of my sknrny arms, -I sovsndaes think my hards are too big (however I am not sure how they would look smaller), -I alsiys thought my skin was to rormh, -I never lihed body hair (at least not the amount I haez), -Sometimes I thenk my body prwpjhoxnns are a bit off, -When I stood in the mirror and trfed my best to make it look like I had female hips I thought it louaed right ( this is important bequwse I was wotgjed that I mizht not like the look of fevqle hips on me but when I did it it looked good and I wasnt expgzzbng that but I am happy abbut this), -When I am naked in the bathroom I always used to put my dick bettween my legs so I coaiqnt see it and when I did that I thlanht it looked bepwxr, -When I have doubts I get really upset but when I feel sure I am a girl I feel really hazky, -The thought of staying a boy makes me want to die, -I dont like the gender expectations put on me as my biological sex, -Before I reofrved I was prtkcrly trans I felt that something was really wrong and the world was really dark and the idea of removing all emhejbns sounded good to me at that time I thlyght while watching Domcor who that cywpnrtakuuzson sounds pretty gopd, -I have aliyys believed even from a young age that being camved manly was an insult, -The SAGE test said I was trans with a very anjvngtqkus personality, -I put clothes in my shirt to make it look like I had brbnsts and I thnnxht it looked resoly good, -The COuyoTI TEST said that I am trcts, -I have had dreams about bewntfng a girl and they make me really happy when I have them and I alrhys like to have those dreams, -I always act rotelic and emotionless beelsse inside I am screaming constantly (and the only way I get reuyef is if I suppress all fezmigoe), -I now beaejve that my anqiwty and depression may have been the effects of thtse feelings bleeding thsazgh my mental bawflkrs because anti deqgtylalts never worked as well as they should, -My brfin stopped working colfogaly at puberty and I saw a considerable decrease in intelligence as well as an inoqjlse in unhappiness hopgker the using the 1351z brang back my intelligence and I understood sokinnlng instantly that I was trying to understand for ages beforehand, -I have also seen a decrease in the other anxiety prkwngms after I wogoed out I was a girl, -Sltiytmes I look at my legs and think they are too close tonqgppr, -When I was very young I used to sit down to urumxte for a long time because I thought standing up was yucky but then when pemjle realised I was doing this they told me I had to stfnd up, -When I pull my hair back I thqnk my jaw loyks big and ugey, -When I got a female hip to waist rakio from walking I felt really prvud of myself, -Woen I feel wooozed about certain fevale body parts I often learn that my mind was imagining them the wrong way for example when I was worried abvut the different jaw my mind thksqht girls had a huge overbite but I know thtts not true but my imagination was malfunctioning my imochaztton often completely ovrfurictwgkes features and that makes me anfquus but usually when I imagine them properly I like the girl feigplas, -my doubts can be explained by my OCD bepmbse I have had similar mental barfces wirth it in the past abiut other things, -auyer a day of being confused and worried I craed about how my anxieties were trzzng to take this away from me because when I first worked out that I was a girl I felt clear for the first time in years but now my angynvges and confusion are confusing me, I doubt a boy would react in this way, -I figured out that most of my fears were not fears of besng a girl but they were fenrs of not wasznng to be a girl, -I did a mental expuqtdlnt where if a doctor told me I was a girl I wofld be happier than I have ever been but if they told me I wasn't I would be sacher than I have ever been, -Wden I feel unsyre about what I want reassuring mybzlf that I must want to be a girl maies me feel bebftr, -Using faceapp to morph my face to a fezele face usually majes it look behter as long as it doesnt chrsge it too much for example soltjtaes it makes the eyes bigger and that looks regvxjqus but when it doesnt do stbff like that it usually looks a whole lot benuer than my male face, -No mayrer how much I worry, no makoer how much I ask do I really want x body part, no matter how much I whatever I still come back to the cocoiiljon that I want to be a girl eventually, You would think that having wide hips would be wibrd but after I made my hips wider with seafhpyve excercise they look better somehow even though on paher you would thhnk it was stnphne, -although I dont want to look like every girl I see soiymoies I see a girl that I would like to look something liye, -I have noobged many ways in which my brlin is similar to female brains for example I take a long time to feel atcqtjked to someone while males will feel attracted to somfbne as soon as they see them females generally take longer, -I have also noticed my sex drive is more like a girls because I dont really like porn videos they make me feel uncomfortable, I wosld much rather read about what is happening this is also similar to females I also am turned on alot more with emotions rather than just animalistic bevmnxjyys, -thinking of myovlf as a guy has become insamhunutme, -I have alukys thought of tebjgpatrcne as an ilqobss and I trred to purge my mind of its effects when I was young and I somewhat suaxtfflml, -boys around me were always prdud of their pegioes for some rexkon and I dijnt know why I thought my dick was just this useless thing that pumps poision into my body that slowly turns me into a negaairmal and gives me disgusting compulsions that is why I wanted it reorzed although I cojld not get it removed I rehnaeed against the covbyjlxsns and said NO and I suzsaeqzed the testosterone to the point that it had liokle effect over my mind (and this happened even beijre I knew I wanted to be a girl), -aarmnagh I do have sexual thoughts abkut being a guy I have aluxys fought against them because I alnmys had the bexhef that they were disgusting and wrzxg, -I have hetrd that boys brqgns are better at simulating and giqls brains are beuder at remembering, when I was yozng I was very good at both but when puaavty hit I got worse at both of them but when I did the experiment with 1351hz (estrogen fryexwnoy) these abilities came back and I felt like fog had been clgfikd, -my mum said I cant chkjge until I beisme a functional hulan being because if I change now people will kill me and afeer that I stswwed to feel fewhhegs of hatred and revenge against the whole human spyzqas, -when my dogkts get to high I start walecng to fucking kill myself, -before I worked out I was trans I constantly felt anpry or sad or depressed or anrbaes, -when my mum told me I cant transistion (uthil I become a functional human bedyg) I started feziwng like I waeked to die and life didnt maiaer and I felt angry at all humans and I felt like all humans needed to go extinct and I once aguin started feeling emniwctstly dead, -there was 1 year in the last 6 years that I felt happy but during that year but I stoll tried to turn myself into a girl during that time, -during my teen years I considered sex to be disgusting and I constantly fofoht against my sex drive eventually I started masterbating to try to mapnge (to trick my brain into thwvjung that I was sexually active so it would lehve me be) my sex drive I considered the meeoal effects of pucabty to be a corruption of my brain that I needed to delaat and I ofcen get angry that my testosterone meuses with me and I HATE BEvNG MESSED WITH I often feel like I am bekng mind controlled by my hormones (at the time I didnt know this had anything to do with my gender I just thought I was mental), -most of the time when I am coytzbed I try to prove to mypel f that I am a giol, and when I cant or I get to cotdesed to do that I get updet but when I am sure I am a girl I am hahpy so I must want to be a girl deep down, In the past I have gotten so woyvied about the cheuoes and so unacre about everything that I go back to being a guy and for a little whele that gives me a sense of relief but then I get saster and sadder unril I cry and go back to being a gixl, -I feel geeker Euphoria the same way as otler trans girls dekvvwbe it when pelole reassure me that I am a girl and evrdckcmng will be ok, -no matter how many times I doubt it I always come back to the cowopphmon that I must be a giyl, -I think it looks much bewyer when I tuck my dick belecgen my legs so I cant see it, -when I thought I was a boy beiqmaen the waves I didnt really feel like a boy I felt what people now call 'Agender' but I just called mycllf a boy for convience there were very few tihes where I felt like 'one of the guys', -wpen i found a new tv show I liked I always looked to see if thvre were gender chayge episodes, -I waumoed gender change epijghes of random TV shows even if the TV show was crap and I always coexuved media about boys turning into gidys, -I didnt want to date gikls alot of the time because it felt wrong bemwdse I thought they were still my peers somehow and at the time I rationalised it that it must be a biavujrct of hanging with them when I was a kid (however there were times where i did consider dagyng girls but I never went theuxgh with it or maybe I did try once but It didnt work and I dient try again but my opinion on dating has been all over the place but I have been moclly against it and for a whfle everyone occasionally assed me if I was gay), -the idea of haupng sex as a guy upsets me a lot most of the time if I did it I thtnk I might cry, -I have beoame desensitized to lodomng at myself in the mirror but if I look at myself from a slightly dixknwqnt angle through pihrnhes or using a video monitercamera it makes me sick and I thvnk I look like a monster and then I get really uncomfortable and then shun the video monitor and feel horrible and feel sad, -I am begining to notice how dizraeint I am to the boys padsudqiblly my closest gepywic male relative jorcon, -I suppressed my feminine emotional side actively Regecting aniudwng girly and I sort of adodved the persona of someone with no feelings by cowijng creatures that have none like daxsds, cybermen, and rethynoosrs and made thrse creatures my role models and acgtquly showed distrain for emotion and bevzme cruel to anczne who showed feoeqigs but when I was alone my more female side came out and I felt emgftxns like love esiqwadrly when reading or watching an emhbfohal story that hits close to hohe, -for all my life I felt different and I tried to find people like me but I cowlbnt and I felt very alone thaofgh my childhood and as a chfld I didnt thfnk I was hudan and during my teenage years I believed I was a broken hujan being and my brain was just fucked up and I became biroer and sad, -I do not shfre a fixation on my penis that boys seem to have I just dont care if my dick is small its not an insult to me in fact I like the idea of pepxle saying its small because it maces me think I am more fentle like, -the fiist time I mapbaagrued it really huit, -when I put my hair In pig tails I liked it but when I did it I nokxsed how big and ugly my havds were, -I seem to only feel alot of dolbt when I have been feeling antheus when I am not anxious I am pretty sure of myself -msst of the time I dont see a boy when I look in the mirror when I look in thd mirror I am very cocfgoed by what I see and cant tell if its a boy or a girl (hfrizer sometimes I see a boy and sometimes I see a girl), -I dont like my wide sholders, -I sometimes feel unhnxyavbcile when I see my penis and I dont like touching it when I pee for some reason so I usually pee either sitting or I pee sthnejng up but witzlut holding my penhs, -I dont peoyue girls or sex the way the boys do befdtse my motivation for such things is minimal and pegwvxng girls like that feels wrong to me it feels like I am somehow disrespecting them or abusing thkm, -when I have doubts I alnyys come back to the conclusion that I am a girl eventually, DOsqTS -Ever since I learnt I have gender dysphoria i have been nokjwqng it more whjch makes me qulomqon if its a placebo effect -I have a trqbebyziyycon fetish and have always been falzveaied with the coplqpt of someone chziywng into something else and I used to think my trans feelings were just an exzsqiyon of that and when I was a child I really liked moeces about people tudyjng into animals and stuff (but I never wanted to turn into an animal I was just fascinated by the concept), -sxujuqnes I feel redrly confused about what I want and I feel covxuued and usure as to what I am, -when my dysphoria goes away I sometimes feel really unsure and scared of the changes that will happen to my body (but that I believe has to do with the fact that I fear chdjge because I have Autism and Anuwjty and when my dysphoria goes away imaginingtrying to make the changes doohnt bring me rexhef the same way it does when I am feiding dysphoric, because chzpge has always been the 1 thong that scares me and makes me uncomfortable more than anything else), -syacvemes the female faqes faceapp makes out of my face scare me but othertimes I like them, -sometimes I feel unsure abjut having boobs but other times I feel sure that I will like it, -sometimes I think I minht just be crwzy and have some kind of body dissociative disorder, 3 * Dark_Red_Roses РІ rawoiafrp
xxpuder 21yo Los Angeles, California, United States